I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the day after is always just damage control
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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