my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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