There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
