You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
