i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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