This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
