He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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