hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
