Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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