i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
