This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
