I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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