Old men and throwing up are my life now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
