he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
