I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
