Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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