the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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