I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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