Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
