My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
