Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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