So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
