someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize