you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
