And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
