I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
