I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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