she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize