it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
