I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
