Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
