well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize