drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
