Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
