I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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