i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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