I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
