sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
did i walk over a car last night?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
