He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
