dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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