I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
