my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
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