I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just want nice things and good sex
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
