god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sponge bath it is.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
