Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
