Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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