Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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