Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
