Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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