I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
