I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
birth control should be required to get into college
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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