Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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