Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in

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(314): View more from Missouri

Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine

Fav 7 3168 1631
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.

Fav 3 2383 1005
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(276): View more from Virginia

Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.

Fav 3 924 1819
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(250): View more from British Columbia

After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all

Fav 23 1401 3350
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.

Fav 2 1228 951
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(785): View more from Kansas

We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.

Fav 5 2176 853
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(712): View more from Iowa

My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.

Fav 4 577 575
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(517): View more from Michigan

leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things

Fav 1 528 226
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