There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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