You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
