dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
only if we run a train.
done.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
