Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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