Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
