Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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