Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
