Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
