Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
