I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
