I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
