So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
