I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
