considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize