Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
