guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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