Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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