Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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