she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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