i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
