Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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