Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
