were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
