you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
