You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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