You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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