The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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