everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
