My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
