Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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