I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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