If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
