A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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