dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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