So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
