I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
