Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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