We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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