I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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