i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I intend to get homeless drunk
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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