I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
