After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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