I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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