we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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