I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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